Into the Blue Read online

  I open my mouth and exhale an uneven breath.

  Kellan lowers my shaking hands and takes the gun from me, and the tears flow. He pulls me into his arms and I bury my face in his shirt, and cry until it’s damp under my cheek. “No one will ever hurt you like that again,” he says softly into my hair.

  I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath to steady myself. “I want to go again.” I look up at him with determination.

  He walks over to the duffle bag and reloads the magazine. Then he hands me the gun and I take my stance in front of him again. He stands behind me and supports my arms as I aim at the target and pull the trigger. Then he steps back and I empty the magazine on my own.

  * * *

  I turn on the shower and step under the cool water. It chills my heated skin, but I close my eyes and let it stream down my face. This island is like a drug that makes me forget and tricks me into thinking everything is okay. But the sobering blasts still ringing in my ears and resonating through my arms remind me that everything is far from okay.

  Today was my first shooting lesson, but it won’t be my last.

  I get dressed and find Kellan waiting for me. He’s the drug I need most.

  “I’m going for a drive. You want to come?”

  “Where are you going?” I ask curiously. It’s late in the day for an outing.

  “It’s a secret.” The corners of his mouth tip up and he gives me a knowing look that makes my heart flutter. His secret spot.

  “Okay.”

  I follow him outside to the Jeep, unsure where he’s taking me, but we head in the opposite direction of the waterfall and rainforest. He drives for a while until the coast turns to cliffs, the same way it does on the other end of the island, except now the drop-off is on my side and I can see down the mountain where it slopes to the ocean below. I try not to look out of my window until the road angles down toward the base of the mountain again.

  This side of the island doesn’t look much different than ours, except that the beach is much rockier. Large angled black rocks jut out into the clear water between clusters of twisted palm trees that grow wildly toward the sky, which glows gold around the late afternoon sun. Eventually, the road curves away from the coastline and the gravel turns to sand under a canopy of trees.

  “Is that a house?” I ask, peering through the thick leaves and knotted branches that line the road.

  “Yes.” He pulls up in front of a little bungalow that’s situated behind an alcove of mangroves. It has a small front porch and a low roof line that shadows several dull windows. “It was purchased by the government when they sanctioned the island. There are a few more like it along the coast.” He gets out and walks toward the front door, and I follow behind him. “I like this one,” he says, opening the door.

  I eye the rundown structure. “Is it safe?”

  He pushes on the doorframe. “Yeah, it’s safe. But wait here a minute.” He walks inside and disappears from view.

  I lean into the doorway and stretch my neck, looking for him.

  “Makayla,” he calls, and I walk inside.

  I glance around the empty house. “Kellan?” My voice echoes off the dusty tiles that span the floor.

  “In here.”

  I walk past a small kitchen and find him standing in front of a foggy sliding glass door. He pushes it open and sand grinds in the rusted metal track. But once it’s open, a warm ocean breeze fills the empty space, replacing the stagnant air. And I see a beautiful turquoise lagoon that’s etched with palm trees that grow thick around the edges of a sandy white beach. Some stand tall and others hang low, stretching out over the water under a pink sky.

  “Wow,” I breathe. “It’s really beautiful.”

  Before I can take a closer look, I hear tapping inside the house that makes the hairs on my arms stand up.

  “Did you hear that?” I ask, listening for it again.

  Kellan turns his head and listens.

  Tap-tap.

  “There it is again.”

  “Stay here,” he says, but I follow closely behind him as he stalks toward the kitchen.

  Tap-tap.

  He scans the small space and holds his hand up for me to stop, and I freeze as he reaches for one of the cabinet doors.

  He slowly pulls it open.

  Suddenly, there’s screeching and feathers and flapping wings.

  “Jesus!” He flies back into me as a rooster comes running out of the cabinet toward us, flapping its wings.

  I squeal and jump up onto the counter as it flails and hops all over the kitchen, trying to fly. It flaps its way up onto the counter beside me and I scream and jump down, and run to Kellan. I hide behind him as it walks across the counter boastfully, jerking its head and lifting its feet in turn, before settling into the sink.

  Holy shit. My heart is pounding. I look up at Kellan and we both burst out in laughter. I laugh until I can’t breathe.

  The rooster stays put, calmly nestled in the sink.

  Kellan looks at me. “Are you okay?” he asks, still laughing.

  “Yes,” I say, wiping tears from my eyes, and my overactive heart pauses long enough to take him in. His blue eyes crinkle and his white smile shines like a hidden gem inside this dingy old house. I place my hand over my heart and say, “That scared the shit out of me.”

  “Me too.” He laughs and shakes his head.

  “How long do you think it’s been in there?”

  “I don’t know. The front door was cracked open. It must have wandered in and gotten itself stuck.”

  I spot an abandoned broom in the corner of the kitchen and hand it to Kellan. “Well, we can’t leave it in here.”

  “It can find its own way out.”

  “Kellan.”

  He reluctantly takes the broom from me and lifts the bristle end of it, inching toward the sink as I hide behind him. He nudges the rooster gently, but it doesn’t move. He looks over his shoulder at me, exasperated, but I just raise my eyebrows at him. He nudges it again, a little harder, and it screeches and jumps up, and starts flapping its wings and flailing all over the place again.

  I run to the opposite side of the kitchen. “Careful!”

  He ignores me and continues to corral the rooster, coaxing it through the kitchen and eventually through the open sliding glass door.

  It struts across the weathered wooden deck to a sandy path that leads to the beach, taking a left turn into the tangled mangroves that border it.

  “Good job,” I say, patting his back. I take the broom from him and go put it back in the kitchen.

  When I return I find Kellan leaning against the frame of the open sliding glass door with his arms crossed over his chest, staring out at the lagoon. His black shirt is stretched across his broad back and it clings to his muscular arms. I pause and stare at him. The sun is sinking closer to the horizon and the orange glow is growing brighter, filling the space around us with amber light. Kellan squints into it, making him look brooding and... “So beautiful,” I murmur softly.

  “Yeah.” His voice is low and husky.

  “So, this is your secret spot?” I ask.

  He nods, but keeps his gaze on the horizon.

  “I can see why you like it.”

  I stand behind him and watch him watching the gentle waves roll in under the painted sky. It’s a mix of pink and orange and purple. I can feel the low hum of electricity in the air between us and I wonder if he feels it too.

  He inhales a deep breath that makes his shoulders rise up and fall down slowly. “I was on a helicopter with half my squad when a sandstorm hit.”

  My muscles tense suddenly and my heart races as I realize he’s going to tell me what happened in Afghanistan. I stand frozen, listening quietly as he continues.

  “The rest of my squad was on a second chopper. The storm came out of nowhere and within seconds we had zero visibility. Sand got in the gears and jammed the rotors. We went into a tail spin and slammed into the other chopper. We made a rough landing, but
everyone survived. The other chopper crashed into a nearby river.” His voice fades.

  I take a step toward him, but pause when he speaks again.

  “We tried to help them, but it was too late. Most of them drowned before we got there because they couldn’t get their gear off,” he says quietly.

  A vest is designed to carry thirty or forty pounds of gear, including the carrier plates—what stops the bullets from penetrating the vest. That’s a lot of weight to carry, in addition to weapons and other gear. If you were to fall into a body of water with that much weight strapped onto you, you’d drown before getting it off.

  “Kellan,” I whisper, recalling what he had said about his work. I step behind him and wrap my hand around his arm.

  “It was just a drill,” he says, lost in the memory.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  He turns around and the sunset washing in behind him sets the edges of his hair and shoulders on fire. “They were my brothers. And I couldn’t save them.”

  I hear the vulnerability in his voice and see the pain on his face. “You tried. You’re still trying.”

  His face crumples and he wraps me in his arms, holding me close. But after a few seconds he releases me and says, “I’m sorry.”

  I shake my head and assure him, “I’m fine.” I tug on his shirt and pull him close again, and the electric current buzzes between us like a full-powered amp, undeniable and loud.

  He slowly brings his hands to my face and gazes into my eyes. I nod, giving him the permission he’s asking for, and he softly brings his mouth to mine, satisfying an ache deep inside me and calming my racing heart. I melt into his eager lips as they navigate mine, pushing and pulling and sucking them gently. He parts my lips and moans softly into my mouth as his warm tongue moves effortlessly over mine. He kisses me deeply, massaging my tongue with his, like he’s kissed me a thousand times before, and it fans the flames burning inside me, incinerating the darkness I no longer feel. I raise my hands to his stomach, pushing his shirt up, and he stops kissing me.

  “Don’t stop,” I whisper, lifting my chin to his.

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  I gaze up at him and see a stormy sea in his eyes. “I trust you,” I say honestly. “I know you won’t hurt me.”

  His chest rises and falls and fire flashes in his eyes. “I want you, Makayla.” His voice is a tortured whisper.

  “I want you too.” I gaze up at him, silently begging him to extinguish the fire that’s burning inside me. “It’s okay, I trust you.” I reach for his face and lift my chin to his again.

  Moments later, his arms are wrapped around my back, my shirt is twisted in his fists, and his mouth is on mine, sending electricity to every part of my body as his tongue moves over mine. He moans into my mouth and pulls me close so that every line of his strong body is pressed against me, and the only thing I feel is the wildfire burning through me. I push his shirt up over his chest and he tugs it off. Mine is on the floor a second later and he’s gazing at my bare breasts. Island life doesn’t really necessitate a bra.

  Kellan slowly brings his hand to my naked breasts and I gasp at the sensation of him touching me. He pauses and lowers his hand, but I reach for it and press his palm to my breast again, letting him know that the only thing I feel is pleasure.

  He kisses my neck and jaw, holding my face as he makes his way back to my mouth. I press my hands to his stomach and feel his muscles tighten with every hungry breath. I trail my fingertips down the curved lines of his torso, following the V that comes to a point just below his pants, which I quickly loosen. I slip my hands inside and wrap them around him, making him groan, and I moan into his mouth with anticipation.

  He drops his hands to my hips and picks me up, and I wrap my legs around him, kicking off my flip-flops and kissing his neck and jaw feverishly as he carries me to a tiled wall and presses me against it with his strong body, making me feel protected and safe. The inky black is at bay. The only thing coursing through my veins is desire. He kisses me for another moment and then steps back and lets me slide down the wall until my feet touch the floor. I look up at him, bewildered, my head spinning and desire coursing through me, but I try to calm my wild heart when I feel his pace slowing.

  He gazes down at my breasts and they swell under his lustful stare as he gently rubs his thumb over my nipple. He lowers his head and covers it with his mouth, sucking it softly, just once, before dropping to his knees and tugging my shorts and panties down. He presses his mouth to my hip as he slowly pulls them to my feet.

  I step out of them and put my hand over my scar, feeling vulnerable as he stares up at my naked body. He moves my hand and kisses the spot gently, but I tense automatically.

  He stands up and looks into my eyes, searching for signs of the darkness. “We don’t have to.”

  I shake my head and explain, “It’s just a permanent reminder of what happened.”

  He takes my hand and lifts it to his chest, and traces my fingers over a scar on his ribcage. Then he moves my hand to his bicep and traces another scar on the inside of his arm.

  “Afghanistan?”

  He shakes his head. “They’re my own permanent reminder...of the moment I found you.”

  “I didn’t know,” I whisper.

  “It was the moment my life intersected with a strong, brave, intelligent woman who makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.” He reaches for my face and rubs his thumb across my cheek. “You’re so beautiful, Makayla.”

  I blink up at him, feeling beautiful, in spite of every ugly thing that’s happened to me.

  He kneels in front of me again and kisses my stomach gently, and I close my eyes, feeling his mouth move across my scar, which no longer feels like a mar. He trails slow kisses down my stomach, stoking the fire inside me as he wraps his hands around my thighs and worships me with his tongue and soft, sweet lips, his warm breath radiating between my legs. My blood flames and my breath quickens as he persists.

  I look down, and the sight of him, doing what he’s doing, nearly sends me over the edge. “Kellan,” I pant, and my legs tremble gently in his hands. I gasp and press my palms against the wall and let out a soft cry as he moans into me, sending me soaring and shattering me into a million euphoric pieces.

  When I fall back to earth and open my eyes, his hands are against the wall by my shoulders. I’m encaged by his strong body, glowing in the dim sunlight, and his handsome face is gazing down at me. I pant up at him with adoration as he reaches for my hair tie and slowly tugs it down the length of my ponytail until my hair falls loosely over my shoulders. He holds my face between his hands and kisses me passionately, reviving my weak legs. I wind my hands in his hair and press my naked body to him, and every nerve ending pulses with need.

  “Makayla,” he groans softly, “I don’t have a condom. I didn’t think we’d–” He exhales a frustrated breath and presses his hips against me with need. “I didn’t think you’d be ready.” He drops his chin and says, “I didn’t think.”

  “It’s okay. I’m on birth control. Mia gave me a shot when I got here.”

  He gives me a conflicted look.

  “I want to be with you, Kellan. I’m ready.” I drop my chin and remind him, “I’m clean, if that’s what you’re worried about. You’re safe.”

  He holds my face to his and kisses me softly, thwarting the darkness that tries to creep in. “I want you to feel safe with me.” He smiles softly. “I’m clean too.”

  I smile and run my hands down the curve of his back, feeling his strong muscles flex under my touch. I bring them between us and slide them down the front of his pants, finding him again, and the burning ache inside me grows unbearable. I push his pants down over his hips, freeing his erection, and he picks me up again, kissing me urgently as he steps toward the wall, pinning me against it with his hips. He gazes at me and I see the question in his eyes.

  “Yes,” I pant. I’m okay. I’m more than okay. He’s the only thing that can heal
me.

  He positions himself between my legs, and I wait for him to sink into me, full of wanting and anticipation, as he rubs himself against my entrance.

  “Ahh,” I cry softly as he pushes into me, until his hips are pressed firmly against my aching thighs. He pauses, giving me a moment to acclimate to him, and I let out a silent breath when I do. He draws his hips back and slowly sinks into me again, and I groan quietly at the sensation, at the way he fills me up and stretches me. His mouth covers mine as he repeats the motion and my lungs fill with ecstasy each time I inhale his respired breath. He grabs my hand and holds it over my head, lacing our fingers together as he moves in and out of me, pushing me against the wall over and over again...saving me, healing me, protecting me.

  My legs curl tightly around his hips as I begin to slip away to that beautiful euphoric place where nothing else matters. All I care about is him...and what he’s doing to me. I’m lost the moment his tongue moves over mine. He kisses me deeply and moans into my mouth, and I’m enveloped by a blissful inferno. He squeezes my thigh in his hand and groans against my neck as he finds his release, crushing into me and sending aftershocks through my satiated body.

  He covers my parted mouth with his and presses me against the wall with his full weight. He holds me there for a few seconds, exhaling heavy breaths against my neck and then he lifts his sated eyes to mine and kisses me softly. He gently slides out of me, sending an echo of pleasure reverberating through my body, and lowers me to the ground. I hold onto his arms, unsure if I can stand on my own. My body feels like it turned to jelly.

  He rests his hands on my hips and asks carefully, “Are you okay?”

  I bite my swollen lip, noticing how it tingles under my teeth, but the question makes me consider how I should be feeling. Anxious? Fearful of the darkness that’s sure to return? But the only thing I feel right now is happy. And completely safe. “Yeah”—I smile—“I’m okay.”